Objection! These lawyer jokes are guilty of being funny

Your weekly dose of legal absurdity, courtroom chaos, and mandatory fun. Let’s get into it. ⚖️😂

NEWS ROUNDUP: LEGAL CHAOS EDITION

AI "hallucinations" are getting lawyers sanctioned

What’s Happening: Lawyers are getting in trouble—again—for submitting AI-generated court filings riddled with fake case citations. The latest victims? Attorneys at Morgan & Morgan, who used ChatGPT to draft a lawsuit against Walmart, only to realize (too late) that their cited cases never actually existed.

Our Take: First, AI came for the paralegals. Now, it’s coming for basic due diligence. At this rate, we’ll have self-writing briefs arguing against their own motions by 2026. Pro tip: If ChatGPT tells you a case is from "United States v. Absolutely Not Real, 2023," maybe Google it before filing.

Why It Matters: Litigators, this is your sign to read the footnotes before you hit submit. AI might be great for brainstorming, but let’s not turn "hallucinated" case law into the next big legal defense. Unless, of course, you want your next courtroom experience to involve explaining deepfakes to a very unimpressed judge.

Tax law turbulence: the cryptocurrency conundrum

What’s Happening: The IRS has announced a crackdown on unreported cryptocurrency earnings, targeting influencers flaunting their Bitcoin wealth on social media. Because nothing says "audit me" like flexing a Lambo with a ‘Bought with Dogecoin’ license plate.

Our Take: When your Instagram clout turns into a federal tax liability. One minute, you’re sipping champagne in Dubai, the next, you’re explaining to an IRS agent why your crypto wallet is “missing.” Pro tip: If your tax strategy includes “just don’t tell the IRS,” maybe reconsider.

Why It Matters: Tax attorneys, gear up—your next client might be a YouTuber who ‘forgot’ capital gains exist. Get ready for frantic calls that start with, “So, hypothetically, if I never reported my crypto profits…” and end with, “What do you mean they can seize my yacht?”

Love, honor, and… Click to agree? The prenup app disaster

What’s Happening: A wave of new “DIY prenup” apps promises to draft legally binding agreements in minutes. Because what could possibly go wrong with a legal document that’s easier to generate than a DoorDash order? Spoiler alert: A lot.

Our Take: Swipe right for love, swipe left for a legally binding asset division plan. Nothing says romance like a prenup drafted between Tinder matches, right before splitting the Uber home. “I take you to be my lawful spouse… unless my crypto rebounds, in which case, I’m out.”

Why It Matters: Family law attorneys, get ready to play relationship disaster cleanup crew. Because when a "Prenup in 60 Seconds" app forgets to mention state laws, guess who gets the call? That’s right—you. Hope you’re billing hourly.

The Wolf of Wall Street… but make it stupid

What’s Happening: Kevin Feng Gao was arrested in NYC for faking a bank account to swipe $30M from a real estate investor. The FBI caught him faster than a first-year associate realizing they billed the wrong client.

Our Take: Litigation attorneys, this is Ocean’s Eleven if the crew was just one guy with zero brain cells. “Your honor, my client thought ‘fake account’ meant manifesting wealth.” Yeah, good luck with that defense.

Why It Matters: Bank fraud is the new real estate bubble. If your client wired millions to a ghost, congrats—you’re either unraveling the scam or explaining why “trust but verify” isn’t just a cute phrase.

THE FUTURE OF LAW

Episode 3: "The AI Lawyer Dating App (It’s Worse Than You Think)"

The Situation:

Oscar is invited to beta test a new AI-powered dating app for lawyers—where AI matches attorneys based on their favorite statutes and legal writing style.

Sophie, his wife, is fascinated and insists he tries it just to see what happens.

Bruno takes over his profile.

Bruno: “I have optimized your dating bio: ‘Middle-aged attorney. High cholesterol. Strong opinions on indemnity clauses.’”

Oscar: “Delete that immediately.”

Bruno: “No worries. I also included, ‘Not currently facing disbarment.’”

Oscar: “THIS IS WHY I DON’T TRUST YOU.”

The Outcome:

Bruno matches Oscar with a divorce attorney.

Oscar deletes the app.

Sophie laughs for a full hour.

CAREER OPPORTUNITY

JOB ALERT: Kensington & Hale LLP wants your soul (and billable hours)

Are you a highly ambitious, sleep-deprived J.D. with a passion for corporate servitude? Do you enjoy working 100-hour weeks in exchange for a fat paycheck you’ll never have time to spend? Then Kensington & Hale LLP has the perfect opportunity for you!

Position: Associate – Corporate Mergers & Acquisitions

Location: Wherever your overpriced ergonomic chair is bolted down

Compensation: More than your therapist’s co-pay, less than your hourly worth to the firm

Hours: LOL

Perks of the Job:

• A "collaborative" team (i.e., partners yelling at you via email at 2 AM).

• Cutting-edge deals (translation: proofing 400-page contracts while whispering "I should have been a yoga instructor").

• Unlimited "opportunities for growth" (your stress levels, your caffeine tolerance, and your chances of missing every major life event).

• Top-tier benefits (including the existential crisis package, featuring unlimited despair and an occasional wellness webinar).

• Hybrid work environment (meaning: if you’re not in the office, we assume you’re dead).

Requirements:

• J.D. from a prestigious law school (debt load must exceed six figures for consideration).

• "Strong analytical skills" (ability to rationalize why you haven’t quit yet).

• "Excellent communication skills" (so you can politely tell your friends why you flaked on their wedding).

• "Ability to work under pressure" (functioning on 4 hours of sleep is a lifestyle, not a choice).

• "Attention to detail" (you’ll need it when redlining a 1,000-page SPA at 3 AM while regretting every life decision).

Apply now! Because who needs personal freedom when you can have a Kensington & Hale business card and the privilege of selling your youth to the highest bidder? (Jokes aside, it’s a real vacancy. To apply, contact our Editor-in-Law for a link)

NEW MERCH DROP: ORDER IN THE COURT!

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FINAL ARGUMENT

Your inbox is full of legal briefs and client rants. Let Legal LOLz be the newsletter you actually look forward to reading.

P.S. This newsletter is 100% billable if you read it on the clock. Just saying.

YOUR VERDICT

Your ruling on this brief, counsels, please:

• “Sustained! Hilarious.” (Damn, that’s good.)

• “Overruled. Needs work.” (Ehh, missed the mark.)

• “Motion to strike. A disaster.” (Yikes, that was terrible.)

Objection? Hit reply and argue your case!

FOLLOW THE CASE